Playing With Words

I love my writing class because, afterwards, my mind is always overflowing. On the drive home I always want to do something. Write. Rant. Blog. RP. Just... communicate.

Last night, I found myself doing a list. It was a normal list... the kind where I go over the various stresses and craziness and try to make sense of it. I thought about money, essay ideas, the research paper I'm panicking over, immunizations, classes I need to schedule, who I am, NaNo...And then, right in the middle of it all, was just one thought.

I'm happy.

It was so quick, just a blip before I moved on to the next thought of whether I could really write about voting for my next essay topic... before I realized it had even happened.

It's funny. The rants are still there. The insecurities and the worries and the complaints. They probably always will be. But I find that, recently, I am me again.

I enjoy class (even when I don't)
I can play with the thought of being in a relationship (even if I'm not really looking)
I can write my novel (even when it's silliness and I'm days behind in word count)
I can succeed in school (even when it's all brand new and still kind of scary)
I can make all this work.

I haven't felt like this in a long time.

Right away, when I got home, there was a mess of issues waiting to chase it away. I'm still so furiously angry... the feeling that comes from watching other people hurt your friends and knowing there's nothing you can do about it without just... making it worse.

But, underneath it all, that small seed of a realization is still there. My friends are strong and can look after themselves. My paper will be written. My NaNo will be finished. And I am happy again. Angry and happy and scared and determined all at the same time.

Maybe this is what healing feels like.

It's November 1st, that wonderful and magical date when thousands upon thousands of individuals worldwide tap into their hidden reserves of creativity, determination and insanity in order to transform themselves into novelists. Yep! It's National Novel Writing Month.

This weekend has been fantastic (and insanely busy). Friday was the NaNo kickoff, which meant fabulous Mexican food with some of the best people in the world. We trapped our inner editors, drew on the tables, and contemplated the dynamics of a love dodecahedron (so much more interesting than a love triangle).

Saturday meant Halloween and one of the best nights I've had in a long while. I decided to enjoy the ease of wigs and go a little crazy with a Ms. America costume. It was terrifying being blonde, but I got to wear a prom dress so it all evened out in the end. I then spent several very fun hours with a zombie connoisseur, a chain smoking truck stop waitress named Pearl, a goth girl, Gilligan, a murderous little girl, a masked libertine and many more (aka, my lovely Wrimos). Then I was promptly stolen from that party by Shan & Steve and company. After that it was joking, dancing (and a little drinking), followed by rockband until a ridiculously late hour. Amazing.

Now, exhausted but happy, I'm wrapping up this weekend with a write-in and over 3000 words in my latest novel attempt. I have a kitty curled up on my feet, my grading is done, and I'm about to have a nice warm dinner before huddling under my covers and enjoying a much deserved sleep.

This is how all weekends should be.

Yay for being back at school. Yay for a wonderful roomie. Yay for seeing my sister. Yay for my pillow! And now, yay for sleep. :D

Ok, so I'm incredibly happy right now. Despite the fact that I've (once again) stayed up WAY later than I should have. First, I procrastinated horribly and didn't clean my room like I was supposed to. Instead, I spent all day here on Live Journal. First I was just rereading my old posts, kinda scanning subject headings and seeing how things changed over the semester. Which got me to wondering how other people name their posts. So I scanned my friends' LJs to read subject headings, which was cool. You could see trends. Some people used quotes, some people didn't post subjects, some used the same subject over and over, some were funny.

Then Charli was online and we talked. She was rereading her LJ too. (It's just one of those nights). So we talked about old relationships and she sent me a few of the posts that she found interesting. We spent the night sharing stories and just reading posts. Very cool. It was a type of sharing that I don't get to do with many people, and it meant a lot. To be completely emo and girly, I have to say that I'm incredibly grateful for the friendship that is forming and for the chance to just...be. To have a friend who I feel I'm getting closer to than most people I know. The only person I've been able to share that type of connection with is Shannie. It makes me very happy and content. I also called her, since she was house sitting and bored.

Then more happiness... I got to talk with a lot of people I've missed. SD called to say hi, and I talked to him for an hour or two. It was wonderful to catch up. Then Amanda IMed and she, Charli and I talked for a good hour or so. Then Bob IMed (that was odd) but it went surprisingly well. He seems to have matured. I wonder if Aaron talked to him like he said he was going to. Hopefully we'll be able to recover the friendship that has faded these past three months. And then Don IMed me. So it was a great night for talking to friends I was missing.

Tomorrow (or should I say today >.<) I get to see my dad. God is so good. I'm feeling positive again. There's a peace in me that I haven't had since... oh dear... probably since first semester last year. Or maybe right after Bob and I started dating, March of this year. But not for a very long time. I'm glad it's back.

God bless, everyone. I'm gonna (finally) be responsible and go to bed now. :)

But I have refreshed my love of the musical "Into the Woods." Awesome play. :)

Best line ever comes from Prince Charming when Cinderella catches him cheating: "I was raised to be charming, not sincere." Yeah... definately don't want Prince Charming in my life. Stupid stuck up prince. lol

I worked with Kristina today, the girl I'm tutoring. It went really well. From what I can see she definately has the capability to learn. She just needs to slow down and take her time. She's like me... not a big fan of algebra. Oh, and a small plus, though our focus will have to be on math: She reads fantasy! So, yeah, I'm always grateful for a way to connect with students. They usually have more respect that way, though she seems like a respectful girl anyway. Well, I'm happy. This is going to be fun and, I already feel, very rewarding.

And this weekend I get to go to Indianapolis. Yay for Aaron and Niki. Yay for home being peaceful. Yay for my brother not killing me for stealing his Slayers DVDs. :D

Ok. Bed. Now. Yeah...

Well, it's 3:45 in the morning. Bet you can't guess what I did. Well, at least I should be done with these all-nighters for the semester. We only have until Tuesday. How much more work could I possibly have, right? Um... don't answer that...

I have all kinds of fun away messages from tonight. What do you know, sleep deprivation actually IS good for something. :D

I'm in a really good mood. I don't know if its because I've been laughing all night, because I'm giddy on lack of sleep, because my homework is finally finished and I have no more huge projects, or because J-Man gave me three cans of Mountain Dew and sugar cookies... What do you think???

dum de dum de dum... I need sleep.

la la la east, la no.

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