Playing With Words

Hmm... I'm not sure what to call my mood tonight...

First, the joy. I can't even begin to describe it. Peforming in the Messiah... I love it so much. I shouldn't call it a performance. Certainly, the choirs are on stage...we're presenting... but I think I know why I love it so much. Yes, the music is beautiful, but it's the sheer size of it. The beautiful music, the words, and the fact that, when we sing, I can get lost in the music. I'm not peforming. That would require me being conscious of the fact that I'm on a stage. But I can't even really hear myself, with the orchestra right in front of me, and the whole, tremendous choir behind me. I'm just one voice in many. And the many voices become one... and they are all praising God. The only time I feel more... alive... is when I'm with kids or that moment in a congregation, when the band stops playing music and only the audience sings. Kinda the same feeling... one voice joining with many to praise God. Except, then there's no live orchestra accompanying you. lol.

Then... the rest...
Not a bad feeling. Just quiet. Worry, maybe. What do you do when the ones closest to you are hurting? I wish I knew. I want to just reach out and... I dunno. Fix it... or just help them get their minds off of the problem.

Also, lately I've really been relating to Romans 7:15-16. Especially where it says "I do not understand what I do."

And there were some bad reviews of the Messiah from listeners tonight, I guess. It doesn't upset me, really. More like makes me sad. I wish I could share the feeling I have with the whole audience... up there, it doesn't really matter if it ends up sounding horrible. The time to praise is more than enough. And Kari and the Mommy were there, and they loved it. So mixed feelings there. God wins, though. ;)

Mary gave me sugar cookies, tonight. They're wonderful.

It's 1am, now... so I'll stop rambling and head to bed. See... here I go...