Jingle Bell Rock
Dec. 22nd, 2009 10:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyronaeIt's been awhile since I updated, but now seems like a good time to remedy that fact.
Overall, things have been very good. Friday was my last day of school and, with that realization, it's as if someone threw a switch in my mind from "life sucks" to "everything is grand!" It only got better with the party on Saturday. I've missed people and fun and parties!
In many ways, I'm adjusting to a new "normal," but it's still nice to get away from this new reality... this cancer-centric lifestyle... and just be that person I was before. Or maybe that isn't really right either. I don't know that I can ever be that person again. But at least someone who isn't defined by a disease. Who has more going for them than surviving one of the most hellish "treatments" available.
I sang. I ate. I drank (a liiiiittle too much). I laughed. I spent time with the most amazing people I know. And that makes such a difference.
Monday meant returning to my "new normal." I'm beginning radiation earlier than I expected (next week) and, with this new round of treatments, I'm experiencing a whole new wave of...something? Fear. Frustration. Resignation? I don't want to deal with burns and fatigue and scars and hospitals. I want to move past this. I want to relax. But this is part of the process. This is the step I need to take so that, someday, I can put this behind me.
So I'll try and be thankful for the little things. I'm thankful for the ridiculous fuzz that is my new hair. I'm grateful for returning hormones (even if they make things tricky). I'm grateful for - who'd have guessed it - the cold (I'm stuck with marks on my skin for the next 8 weeks so they can be accurate with the radiation... so I'm glad it's not midriff or bikini weather). I'm grateful for the roommates who make my days so much more bearable. My best friend and her loving family who remind me of how lucky I truly am. My own family for their help and encouragement.
And I'm grateful for the simple blessing of having another day. Another day to get better. Another day to beat this. Because this will end. This too shall pass. And I'll be able to look back and know that nothing is going to get me down. I have too much holding me up.
Aaand... now I'm getting moody and teary again. Silly hormones. They are such a nuisance when they start working again.
Overall, things have been very good. Friday was my last day of school and, with that realization, it's as if someone threw a switch in my mind from "life sucks" to "everything is grand!" It only got better with the party on Saturday. I've missed people and fun and parties!
In many ways, I'm adjusting to a new "normal," but it's still nice to get away from this new reality... this cancer-centric lifestyle... and just be that person I was before. Or maybe that isn't really right either. I don't know that I can ever be that person again. But at least someone who isn't defined by a disease. Who has more going for them than surviving one of the most hellish "treatments" available.
I sang. I ate. I drank (a liiiiittle too much). I laughed. I spent time with the most amazing people I know. And that makes such a difference.
Monday meant returning to my "new normal." I'm beginning radiation earlier than I expected (next week) and, with this new round of treatments, I'm experiencing a whole new wave of...something? Fear. Frustration. Resignation? I don't want to deal with burns and fatigue and scars and hospitals. I want to move past this. I want to relax. But this is part of the process. This is the step I need to take so that, someday, I can put this behind me.
So I'll try and be thankful for the little things. I'm thankful for the ridiculous fuzz that is my new hair. I'm grateful for returning hormones (even if they make things tricky). I'm grateful for - who'd have guessed it - the cold (I'm stuck with marks on my skin for the next 8 weeks so they can be accurate with the radiation... so I'm glad it's not midriff or bikini weather). I'm grateful for the roommates who make my days so much more bearable. My best friend and her loving family who remind me of how lucky I truly am. My own family for their help and encouragement.
And I'm grateful for the simple blessing of having another day. Another day to get better. Another day to beat this. Because this will end. This too shall pass. And I'll be able to look back and know that nothing is going to get me down. I have too much holding me up.
Aaand... now I'm getting moody and teary again. Silly hormones. They are such a nuisance when they start working again.
Viewtiful Justin
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2009 01:59 pm (UTC)The photos won't load while I'm at work, apparently...so I'm sending myself the link and I'll look at them when I get home. I'll bet you look adorable.
Have a Merry Christmas!
Re: Viewtiful Justin
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)We live in the same town! You could have asked for a ride.
no subject
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)