What I'm learning...

[kyronae]

I'm cold... mostly outside, but I think some of the numbness has crept beneath the skin. I know I'm really okay. God has me... he won't let me fall... but right now I feel like I'm crumbling inside. All I want... all I really want, is to be able to feel. To wish and dream. To be myself and, in doing so, not worry about the consequences. But I can't. The things I wish to do... the things I feel... they have consequences. So I have to build my walls and my barriers. I have to hide the person that I am and make the mature decision. The responsible decision. And I'll do it. Because I have no choice. But there is a part of me that's crying, because all it wants to do is be a child. I suppose I should know better... if I haven't had time to be a child before I won't have it now. But I wish I did... I wish it was safe to feel. I'm sick of imitation fountains. I'm sick of hurting. I'm sick of the cold and the darkness. I want the light back. Will someone tell me when I can be warm again?

This isn't official... I suppose I will still try... but the NaNo is stopping. If it was only school work in the way... well, that would be another story. But I don't even have time to face the problems. I have nothing available to give to writing. Stress reliever or not, I'll have to wait for the ability to relax until things calm down a bit. I'll still post when I do write. I just don't know how often that will be.

Comments

[imsupergirl.livejournal.com]

I mean for people who don't have time in november but could do it some other month....like me :) Hmmmm, maybe there's another website somewhere with the month of june....