What I Want...
Oct. 31st, 2004 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyronaeI was going to rant... I very much wanted to... but I've had friends to use as a sounding board. I can't thank God enough for that.
My head just keeps spinning... I thought he wanted a friendship, something where I could still talk to him about anything. What he wants is for me to take care of myself, to have a close friendship, to be able to talk to him about anything... he wants... what do I want?
I wanted to do what he wanted. I wanted to say "ok...let's be friends," because then he would be happy and we could wipe away the anger and the frustration. Maybe we tried too quickly. Maybe there needs to be nothing before there can be healing. I want it to be quick and painless. I don't want a relationship... not a romantic one, anyway. I just want a friend. I want to know what I want. This confusing mix of emotions hurts too much. It's too crazy. I know God will carry me through it...the fact that I'm as calm as I am is sign enough of that... but that doesn't stop the pain.
I never needed you to save me.
You decided that.
I only wanted to be loved.
Was that too much to ask?
Writing helps. NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow... I wish I was more excited. I might be, once I get this homework out of the way and once I've had a good night's sleep. I'll teach my lesson tomorrow and that will be one less thing to stress over.
My head just keeps spinning... I thought he wanted a friendship, something where I could still talk to him about anything. What he wants is for me to take care of myself, to have a close friendship, to be able to talk to him about anything... he wants... what do I want?
I wanted to do what he wanted. I wanted to say "ok...let's be friends," because then he would be happy and we could wipe away the anger and the frustration. Maybe we tried too quickly. Maybe there needs to be nothing before there can be healing. I want it to be quick and painless. I don't want a relationship... not a romantic one, anyway. I just want a friend. I want to know what I want. This confusing mix of emotions hurts too much. It's too crazy. I know God will carry me through it...the fact that I'm as calm as I am is sign enough of that... but that doesn't stop the pain.
I never needed you to save me.
You decided that.
I only wanted to be loved.
Was that too much to ask?
Writing helps. NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow... I wish I was more excited. I might be, once I get this homework out of the way and once I've had a good night's sleep. I'll teach my lesson tomorrow and that will be one less thing to stress over.
