Que Sera, Sera

It's funny... this is my last week of chemo. The last treatment I will ever have to go through. But even though Taxol (this last round of drugs) has been so much easier on me than Adriamycin (the first round) ever was, I'm more tired.

Maybe it's because so much is going on this week. We've got curriculum night tomorrow at the Barnes & Noble. I'm hosting a write-in at the same time. It's the last week of this rotation, which means preparing for a new group of kids on Monday. And then I've got 3 doctors' appointments in the next 4 days, which means sub plans need to be made for all the days I have to take off. Add in NaNoWriMo and it's a pretty full docket.

I'm also tired because, up until now, the focus has been on getting through chemo. I figured, if I could just reach the end, that was enough. And it is. Except, now, I get to see how much my body can recover from the process I've just put it through. I've been just surviving. Now I'm hoping I can get back to normal.

Chemo had all these risks... 1% chance of leukemia. 10% (or hopefully less) chance of damaging my reproductive system beyond repair. Chances of heart problems... of nerve damage... of permanent hair loss. They're all small chances, but they're possible. During chemo, there was no point in worrying about them. It was the safest road, it needed to be done, and worrying about it wouldn't affect the outcome one way or the other.

Now it's time to see how it all turns out. It becomes the waiting game. Wait and see if we got it all. Wait and see if there are any long term complications. Just wait and see.

I suppose it's no wonder I'm tired. I can see now why my doctor was surprised that I was going to continue teaching. I'm glad I did... but God... I'm so ready for Christmas Break.

That said... there's still no point in worrying. What will be will be (Que sera, sera, anyone?). And there's one thing I know for sure...

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.