![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fellowship
Jan. 30th, 2005 02:03 amA dear friend just brought something to my attention, and it gave me chills. I want to shake it, but I can't. I'm feeling incredibly convicted, and the only way I can hope to express it is here. I don't know if anyone else will agree with this, but I need to say it.
When I first became part of this group there was something that made it more wonderful than any other friendships I had ever formed. It was hard to put into words, but I think the best description would be fellowship. We weren't just friends. We were brothers and sisters in Christ and, when we said it, we meant it. We weren't just saying "Oh yeah, you're my brother" or "You're my sister" because we were trying to dodge complications of relationships or because that person was just really cool and we could talk with them. They really were.
Call me naive. Perhaps I imagined that feeling of fellowship. Perhaps it was just because I hadn't gone deep enough into the group to know the chaos that was going on. But I don't think so. We aren't as shallow as all that. We really do care for each other, and I don't think that has changed.
But how much else has gotten in the way? Do we really have...fellowship...anymore? Sometimes the drama seems so overwhelming. Who likes who? What's the latest argument? Who's upset and why? And it's not that those things aren't serious. They're incredibly important. But the way we're dealing with it... do we still come to each other like brothers and sisters in Christ?
I'll confess, not that anybody doesn't know it by now. I'm prone to gossip. Even if I keep myself from saying it, that doesn't mean I won't listen if someone comes to me. I want to know what's going on. I want to keep the soap opera going, because it's what I'm familiar with. It's what I know. But what example am I showing to those who look at our group from the outside. Are they really seeing Christ shine through us, or are they seeing a bunch of college kids trying to turn everything into a drama? I don't think they're seeing Christ. Not from what I heard tonight. Not when I heard how sad others were to see us falling into this pattern.
I'll be honest. I don't want any more complications. I don't want to worry about relationships, and conflicts, and who's upset with who anymore. I don't want to repeat last semester. I have my friends. I want my family back. I want to know that, if I come to someone, I can be completely honest and they'll be there for me. I don't want to have to worry about whether my honesty will make someone else feel bad, or jealous, or angry when I haven't said anything wrong. If I'm gossiping, that's my own fault, but if I share a problem I'm facing I want to know my troubles won't hurt another. Simplistic, yes. Naive, maybe. But I really remember having that at one time. I'm curious as to where it went.
Perhaps it's just me that feels it. It's possible. But I needed to say something. I'm going to pray about this tonight, and wait and see what service says tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe it's just a figment of my tired brain, calling up ideas at 2am, but please... please think about this. Pray on it. If it's not real, then the morning light will wash it away. But if there was some truth to this, we really need to see if we can get it back. We owe it to eachother.
When I first became part of this group there was something that made it more wonderful than any other friendships I had ever formed. It was hard to put into words, but I think the best description would be fellowship. We weren't just friends. We were brothers and sisters in Christ and, when we said it, we meant it. We weren't just saying "Oh yeah, you're my brother" or "You're my sister" because we were trying to dodge complications of relationships or because that person was just really cool and we could talk with them. They really were.
Call me naive. Perhaps I imagined that feeling of fellowship. Perhaps it was just because I hadn't gone deep enough into the group to know the chaos that was going on. But I don't think so. We aren't as shallow as all that. We really do care for each other, and I don't think that has changed.
But how much else has gotten in the way? Do we really have...fellowship...anymore? Sometimes the drama seems so overwhelming. Who likes who? What's the latest argument? Who's upset and why? And it's not that those things aren't serious. They're incredibly important. But the way we're dealing with it... do we still come to each other like brothers and sisters in Christ?
I'll confess, not that anybody doesn't know it by now. I'm prone to gossip. Even if I keep myself from saying it, that doesn't mean I won't listen if someone comes to me. I want to know what's going on. I want to keep the soap opera going, because it's what I'm familiar with. It's what I know. But what example am I showing to those who look at our group from the outside. Are they really seeing Christ shine through us, or are they seeing a bunch of college kids trying to turn everything into a drama? I don't think they're seeing Christ. Not from what I heard tonight. Not when I heard how sad others were to see us falling into this pattern.
I'll be honest. I don't want any more complications. I don't want to worry about relationships, and conflicts, and who's upset with who anymore. I don't want to repeat last semester. I have my friends. I want my family back. I want to know that, if I come to someone, I can be completely honest and they'll be there for me. I don't want to have to worry about whether my honesty will make someone else feel bad, or jealous, or angry when I haven't said anything wrong. If I'm gossiping, that's my own fault, but if I share a problem I'm facing I want to know my troubles won't hurt another. Simplistic, yes. Naive, maybe. But I really remember having that at one time. I'm curious as to where it went.
Perhaps it's just me that feels it. It's possible. But I needed to say something. I'm going to pray about this tonight, and wait and see what service says tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe it's just a figment of my tired brain, calling up ideas at 2am, but please... please think about this. Pray on it. If it's not real, then the morning light will wash it away. But if there was some truth to this, we really need to see if we can get it back. We owe it to eachother.
