One Quarter Down
Sep. 16th, 2009 03:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyronae"Ms. Justice, you are totally rockin' that outfit."
This makes my day. I like it more than the last comment a student made about my appearance.
Prepping for two days of substitutes is hell, but I'm now officially on my "weekend." Albeit, I have a treatment tomorrow and will likely spend the next several days feeling very sick, but at least I have no work to worry about until Monday.
Charli's wedding is on Sunday and I'm standing up as a bridesmaid. It's going to be difficult... but I can do this. For her, I can do this. And, to make it easier, my doctors are giving me a small prescription of extra anti-nausea meds. They said they won't help much (if at all) during the first 3 days because it's one of the drugs that's in my drug cocktail and more won't really be effective... but it'll help on the subsequent days, and the wedding is day 4. So the day I really need the extra help, I should have it.
I haven't liked myself very much these past few weeks. I've been very negative and super focused on the cancer and the treatments. I get frustrated, because I really want to think about other things. I don't like being defined by this situation, and I don't want to feel like I'm dependent on other people (like boyfriends) to actually be happy. I want to be happy in my own right, and it bothers me that I can't seem to achieve that right now. But I'm still fighting and I'm still surviving and the last of the terrible shots is tomorrow. If nothing else, I will be done with Adriamycin forever after tomorrow and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
I can do this. I may not always handle misfortune with grace, but I will handle it. I will come through on the other side and, when I do, I will be smiling.
I promise.
This makes my day. I like it more than the last comment a student made about my appearance.
Prepping for two days of substitutes is hell, but I'm now officially on my "weekend." Albeit, I have a treatment tomorrow and will likely spend the next several days feeling very sick, but at least I have no work to worry about until Monday.
Charli's wedding is on Sunday and I'm standing up as a bridesmaid. It's going to be difficult... but I can do this. For her, I can do this. And, to make it easier, my doctors are giving me a small prescription of extra anti-nausea meds. They said they won't help much (if at all) during the first 3 days because it's one of the drugs that's in my drug cocktail and more won't really be effective... but it'll help on the subsequent days, and the wedding is day 4. So the day I really need the extra help, I should have it.
I haven't liked myself very much these past few weeks. I've been very negative and super focused on the cancer and the treatments. I get frustrated, because I really want to think about other things. I don't like being defined by this situation, and I don't want to feel like I'm dependent on other people (like boyfriends) to actually be happy. I want to be happy in my own right, and it bothers me that I can't seem to achieve that right now. But I'm still fighting and I'm still surviving and the last of the terrible shots is tomorrow. If nothing else, I will be done with Adriamycin forever after tomorrow and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
I can do this. I may not always handle misfortune with grace, but I will handle it. I will come through on the other side and, when I do, I will be smiling.
I promise.
