Jen, i understand every emotion you poured into your words above and can recognize my own steps in the ones you take. you know you have plenty of people praying for you, but also know that if you need somewhere to be a child, if you need a place to just drop all of your burdens and be weak, i am here for you. i and so many others will always love you and accept you and care for you, and we are willing to see you through every trial you may face, big or small. i know this because God is in our friends, and it is only through Him that we could even hope to offer you any of this. we are willing, God makes us able. if you can, let God use your friends to heal you.